Unpopular Opinion

TradWives: Daring To Ignore Feminism’s Big Questions

The intersection between feminism and wifery is getting crowded.

Traditional adversaries, this convergence has bent philosophy into a massive black hole right at the center of everything.

The Tradwife: Traditional, But Aware

The Tradwife is easy to find these days. She has a big presence on Catholic Twitter in English, Spanish and Portuguese. She is Classically Abby. She likes to write about her “Traditional” life. Tradwife blogs sprout like flashy toadstools along the rotting bark of conservative thought.

They frustrate the shit out of me.

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Hypocrisy of Lefty Men is Old News: Ideas For Action in Chaotic Times

The left has a misogyny problem.

No kidding, right?

Jessica Valenti takes aim at the hypocrisy of so-called liberal men in a recent piece on Medium. Using as her example the disgusting current case of a 19-year-old Democrat congressional candidate in Kansas, she points out that men on the left are using the same arguments to defend him that Republicans used to defend Brett Kavanaugh.

"Men might want to take a pause and examine why,” Jessica suggests, missing the obvious explanation – It works!

"They said he was just a kid at the time of the abuse, but didn't dwell on how his victims were children too.” Drawing much-needed attention to the girls, but missing the fact that people who are abusive as children very often go on to do some truly horrible things as adults.

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Found in the Wild: Female Erasure on Quora

Some readers may have heard about the recent nerfing of the RadFem community on Reddit. This was a gut punch for Yours Truly, as I had been an active member for six years. Of course, many a disgusting pornography subreddit was left standing, but women discussing women’s things is obviously something that needs stamped out.

My long-suffering web developer has set his sights on Quora as a good place to build a reputation among readers.

Feminism, to me, is a pretty broad topic. It’s hard to connect with people when you stubbornly refuse to “niche.” Readers and promoters alike enjoy straightforward content. But too many important topics just aren’t straightforward, with women’s issues touching them all and making theme bleed almost inevitable.

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Elder Millennials: Watching the World End, Over and Over

“A civilized divorce is a contradiction in terms.”  So says Danny DeVito’s lawyer character, narrating the 1989 film The War of the Roses. This dark comedy was released the same year my parents divorced. Mom has told me she can’t watch it, “It hits too close to home.” Such drama, Mom.

Personally, I think it’s hilarious. Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner chew the scenery and DeVito twists the Greek Chorus he loves so much. A farcical gem and definitely one of the best comedies of the era.

The divorce rate peaked in 1981 and has been slowly declining since, for everyone except Boomers. So I venture to say that my experience is a pretty common one. I can think of two friends my age whose parents were still together by the time they turned 20. A couple had parents divorce in high school. Contrary to common wisdom, this seemed to hit hardest.

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Does A New Depression Mean A Sharp Turn Right?

We have all developed our little quirks in dealing with daily life during lockdown. Your faithful writer has been vacillating between following the pandemic and its politics like a sexy murder trial, and avoiding anything remotely topical to cover the smell of my brain sizzling. Last night I was pulled from panicked reverie by the compulsion to respond to an article on Medium. 

We’re Watching An Economy Die is one of those rare treats that is both inescapably enjoyable and deeply disturbing. Umair Haque goes to great lengths to convince us that we are seeing the death throes of democracy in the United States. That the inevitable, eternal outcome of widespread poverty is a hard turn Right. We will blame minorities, elect fascists and become “the world’s first poor rich country.“

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Coronavirus Exposes Personal Weakness, Too

 

Around the world, the spread of the pandemic has illustrated the existing social patterns in real time. Here in Tennessee, we are some of the last to see people getting sick. West Virginia was recently declared the 50th state to see an official case of coronavirus.

Watching it take over the conversation on Reddit, Twitter, and finally YouTube, was like watching a bowling ball from the perspective of a pin. I got to learn which of my friends pay attention to the outside world. Which of my friends, whether on purpose or not, had been absorbing right-wing talking points.

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On Being Straight: The Trauma That Bonds?

I would bet good money that every straight woman, at some time in her life, has asked herself, “Why do I put up with their crap?“

Do We Need Men?

Walking away is tempting sometimes, but something holds us back. Something more than comfort or children or poverty or all the social pressure in the world. None of these stop a determined woman.

On the intriguingly titled blog She Has The Power, I finally found analysis with some meat to it:

"This need for women to be with men begins to reveal itself as a means for surviving male violence. This becomes even more evident when you read that even men display "feminine" behaviors when they are dominated. What if women have adapted to male domination and violence by ‘sleeping with the enemy’?"

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Why You Are Turning Into Your (Grand)Mother – Consequences of Consistent Mate Selection

Humans select animals with traits we like, and breed them together to create more animals with those traits. This is common practice everywhere, it’s how we get “breeds” of anything – dogs, cats, horses, bovine.

It’s also done with plants. Controlling the reproduction of flora and fauna is a big part of agriculture.

I’m simply saying that we do it to ourselves, too.

No One is Born Blank

And I’m not the first one to ponder this. Gordon Allport founded the study of personality 100 years ago. His work is the garden in which all others bloom, such as the Meyers-Briggs and Big Five systems.

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Capitalists Are the Enemy of Us All (The Revolution Will Be Commodified)

 

Hug a conservative. We must beware of tribalism.

It’s the old story of the single-issue voter, red vs. blue, conservative vs. liberal.

It’s what causes the thought error that, because radical feminists and religious fundamentalists agree on the existence of biological dimorphism they must, in fact, be members of the same group.

Or that someone who is “Pro-LGBT” supports social programs or civil liberties.

As those on the Left are fighting to defeat corrupt Republicans, we must remember who it was that corrupted them.

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Unpopular Opinion: Maternal Regret is Normal

“Traditionally, regret has been viewed as the purview of the childless.”

So claims an article in Canadian classic Maclean’s.

What? I understand childless people are often threatened with regret, but they don’t tend to voice it themselves.

Whereas, any parent can tell you, none of us do it right. Everyone comes out on the other side wishing they had known or understood something better. That they’d had more money or perspective.

But author Anne Kingston says when mothers express regret it’s “taboo.”

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You’re A Man, Honey, and That’s Okay

Male Violence is The Enemy

Hey, guys, I get it. As much as any lady can, I sympathize. Being A Man is a big freaking deal. Men are kinda nuts.

Forced Into the Butch Box

If you are just not much of a hard ass, if you find yourself drawn to the lighter side of life, you may also find yourself targeted by the Man Police. They are regular guys, your friends, your boss, your teacher. Your Dad. Any or all of them may take it upon themselves to kick your ass if you step out of line.

I’m not going to dig into why that happens. It’s pretty foreign to me, and I truly don’t mean to patronize you.

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Trans Attacks!

For those keeping score at home, the Facebook trolls have not let up yet.

They took my walking away after two and a half hours this morning as some kind of victory. But guys, I have stuff to do!

They threw a couple studies at me, but the majority of it has been vitriol demanding my submission.

It’s all public record and I encourage anyone to go read it, if you have the stomach.

It’s Raining Crap!

The onslaught has taken various forms.

There’s the ever-popular repetition of meaningless slogans

And some apparent confusion about those slogans?

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“It appears the page is run by a TERF”

It’s amazing how difficult it is to talk about women’s issues.

Today I was outed as a “TERF.”

For those uninitiated, that’s Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist.

Which is technically true, I suppose. In that I understand that the only thing that makes a person one sex or the other is their anatomy. The rest is all gravy.

Trans Politics Dwell in Hyperbole

I have resisted getting directly involved in the conversation for two reasons:

I already lost one old friend over this. A friend who started life as a girl and now lives as a man. Someone who I knew years ago and care for deeply.

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Bathrooms and Abortions: Divided Left Leaves Progress in Danger

Not so long ago, there were no ladies’ rooms.

No powder rooms. No little girls rooms. No restrooms full of stalls, each with a little metal box on the wall. “Lack of access to toilets effectively tied women to their homes, putting them on a leash as long as their bladder capacity.”

This would not be a good system for me.

Museum of London describes the problem for us, “‘Respectable’ women couldn’t relieve themselves in alleys as men did, and the few toilets available in Victorian London were overwhelmingly built for men. Women who wished to travel into central London or even further for leisure and pleasure had to carefully plan where they could ‘stop off.'”

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What is Family? What is Love?

These are the questions that keep me up at night.

I was doing alright ignoring them until a few days ago. My sister Quinn, my only sibling from childhood, sent me a novella about why she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. She immediately blocked me.

Was there some kind of argument?

I sent her a link to my post about Donald Trump’s mental problems, because she doesn’t like him either and I thought she might appreciate it. She said it was terrifying, and she was “tired of being afraid all the time.”

Afraid of what?

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Dementia Trumps Donald?

The time has come once again to name names. Donald Trump is draped in red flags.

I usually save my political rants for more general social themes but, once in a while, I feel compelled to get specific. If you like my Trump posts you are in for a treat. If you don’t…. who am I kidding? No way Trumpers read my blog!

Several years ago I worked as a Certified Nurse Aide. Seldom have I felt as entitled to the space I take up as when I was changing dementia patients’ diapers. (Not sure what that says about me, but I digress.)

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Whither the Boys?

When women run the world, what will we do with those pesky males?

I have encountered several different angles on the question of being a Feminist while still pursuing less radical womanly things. Especially parenting.

I read an entire essay about how one woman dislikes males so much she can’t understand why any woman would have a son.

She said it’s misguided to tell women we can counteract the patriarchal culture that tells boys they are entitled. That a mother’s love goes unappreciated and just lays the foundation of their entitlement.

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More Sociopaths: Trevor Noah Recaps

As I was writing my post inspired by Dr. Martha Stout’s fantastic book The Sociopath Next Door, Trevor Noah was in front of cameras explaining why it’s more relevant than ever.

In one of The Daily Show’s Between the Scenes segments, Trevor says he thinks President Trump’s “most powerful tool is that he knows how to wield victimhood.

“He knows how to offer victimhood to people who have the least claim to it. Which is a really, really powerful tool because …. he’s saying the real victims of the #MeToo movement are men.

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A Wild Porn Appears!

This morning I was reading an article in The Guardian when suddenly my screen was filled with spammy bullshit about winning prizes. Sure, but only if I sign away my life first ?

But it doesn't matter how many times I reset the link, once that crap comes up I am not going to get to finish what I was reading.

And this time, when I tried to click back in the browser it took me to an adult dating app sign-up!

Are you over 18?

How about no?

Are you looking for singles in your area?

Chose No again.

Can you send and receive pics on your device?

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Fun Fact: Masculinities Studies Is A Thing

"We have a mass shooter in the U.S. every few weeks. And every time it happens, we talk about guns. We talk about mental health. But we don't talk about how all of these mass shooters are male."

I know what you’re thinking – Isn’t all of History basically a study in masculinity? But this is an interesting little tidbit I stumbled across the other day. Stony Brook University professor Michael Kimmel is taking a long, hard look at masculinity. A reassessment is overdue and men could do with some introspection.

Kimmel’s work is a response to the discipline of Women’s Studies which has existed on college campuses since the 1970s. You might expect a man who has written several books on machismo to be motivated by some kind of grudge, but he was inspired by how women have taken control of our narrative.

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